Well, we’ve added a new pill to Amy’s evening regimen, fish oil.  There have been some very small clinical trials showing success with it for people with mental illness.  The scientific reasoning is that it somehow allows the neurons in the brain to reorganize to a healthy state.  For a synopsis of the trials and results, check out this link:

http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/meds/Omega-3.htm

We’ve added this to Amy’s daily pills because we (her psychiatrist and Hank and I) are trying to wean her off her anti-psychotic, Risperdol.  Her therapist has suggested for over a year that she doesn’t believe that Amy is psychotic.  She believes that the psychosis was a manifestation of Amy’s depression and temporary.  That, on top of the side effects, has given Hank and I an incentive to ask to wean her off.   While on this med, she has high cholesterol and triglycerides.  These conditions in a teenager are just ridiculous.  I know that she needed the med at one time but if it can be gone, then so much the better for Amy’s health.

Her psychiatrist is not as convinced as her therapist but since Amy has been stable for over two years, he’s willing to give it a shot.  So far, he has been reducing the dosage by a quarter every three months.

I started with the fish oil in January when I first learned about the Amminger study mentioned in this link.   This study somehow identified patients at “ultra high risk” of developing psychosis.  How this is possible is a mystery to me but let’s suspend judgment for a while here.  Anyway, the patients on the fish oil regimen significantly reduced the likelihood of developing the psychotic episode.  That was enough for me to add it.  Her psychiatrist had already agreed to try to start the weaning process in May and I figured that the fish oil could only help as it certainly wouldn’t hurt.  Maybe it would even help her cholesterol.

I’m happy to say the weaning process is working well.  Her dosage is now half of what it was and she is showing no problems or psychotic episodes.  Keeping the fingers crossed!

I’ve posted before about choosing a therapist and our missteps in our choice of Amy’s first therapist.  The link below is a great introduction in what to expect from therapy.  Really, for Amy, we realized that she needed a coach-type therapist.  Her first therapist just lectured.  Her second, and still current, therapist is more the coach.  She helps guide Amy in understanding her thinking and pointing out unhealthy thoughts.

Depressed people have such a skewed view of the world and that just feeds the disease and the negative spiral.  The right therapist will help your child verbalize those views, explore why they may believe that, debunk the idea and then help them learn to replace the negative view with reality.

This article gives you a listing of what to look for and expect from a therapist.  I wish we had read it earlier in Amy’s treatment.  Maybe we wouldn’t have wasted that  year with the first therapist.
http://www.mentalhealthchannel.net/hot-topics/depression-anxiety.shtml#adjump

Today’s post is a re-post of a message from Diane Chosinski.  She left it on the yahoo group, BiPolarParentsT.  This group is a place for parents of bipolar teens to share their stories, ask for advice and just seek a little support. If you haven’t explored the online groups available, I encourage you to do so.  They can be so helpful in finding that you are not alone in this struggle.

The message really hit home for me.  We have all been there.  I want to thank Diane for so eloquently describing our darker moments.

Today Shelly turned 16, when she was a baby no one told me told me about the roller coaster life that we call bi polar.

No one told me that I would be up for days at a time worrying about Shelly if she was ok making sure that she wasn’t going to hurt someone or herself.

No one told me that instead of planning a sweet 16 birthday party I would be having a supervised visit with her in Denny’s.

No one told me that instead of cake and ice cream i would be serving her lamatical and Risperidone with a side of melatonin.

No one told me that the beautiful baby that they handed me was going to have to live in a daily hell. No one told me that I wouldn’t be able to fix whatever was bothering her.

She should be getting ready to go out on her first date tonight instead she will be in lock down at 9. I used to joke and laugh with her about if i was rich she would go off to a rich boarding school in Europe never meant a RTC some were here in IL.

Never thought I would be one of THOSE parents were DCFS knows you on a first name basis.

I am angry today.  I am angry at this illness for stealing my daughter’s life away from as I had hoped and dreamed for her. I am angry at the mental health system for not doing more research on the meds and finding out what we can do to help these kids. I am angry that the only most parents only get the help after their child has done something so bad that the police and courts have had to be called. I want to through a feet stomping hands waving temper tantrum if i thought that it would help my Shelly I would do it in a heartbeat.

There were parent support groups available to us for Amy but we were just too exhausted emotionally and physically to take advantage of them.  It’s sad because I imagine that they could have been very helpful.  Unfortunately, when we were going through the toughest times during the first two years, we just couldn’t manage to make them.

We had way too much on our plates – dealing with her unpredictable emotions, driving every night to visit her when she was hospitalized, doctor and therapy appointments and just trying to deal with the rest of our lives made it impossible for us to even remember to put the meetings on our calendars, let alone get ourselves to them!

However, if you can at all arrange it, I would recommend checking them out.  Here’s a link to some national groups and you can search for meetings in your city:

National Alliance on Mental Health   http://www.nami.org/

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration   http://www.samhsa.gov/

I’ve discovered groups on yahoo as well but unfortunately I didn’t think to look for this until after Amy was well on her way to recovery.  You’ll find supportive parents going through the same problems whom you can commiserate, vent or question about your situation. The two groups I have found are Parents of Depressed Teens and BiPolar Parents.

If anyone knows of any other groups, please send me a comment and I’ll include them on the list.

In the following article, MSN reports of a man who has saved at least 160 people from committing suicide at a tragically popular jumping spot in Australia.  As a result, Don Ritchie and his wife Mora have earned the 2010 Citizens of the Year award.

It’s interesting that Don merely starts his conversations with the potential jumpers with a simple, seven letter sentence: “would you like a cup of tea”?  This non-threatening, simple question has been effective 160 times!  The man is genius.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37670329/ns/world_news/from/ET

It got me thinking about how much easier it is for those not personally invested to approach our suicidal family members.  As Amy’s mood would drop, my fear increased.  I know she could hear it in my voice.  Maybe this is why her therapist can talk her down from the edge (figuratively) when I cannot.  Who knows?

One other random thought on this tea offer thing.  When my daughters were small, I would have them drink a glass of water to calm down after some trauma.  Skinned knee and crying uncontrollably always called for a glass of water from Dr Mom.  My kids joke that a glass of water will cure anything, including an amputation!  But really, I found that the act of drinking always got them to calm down, breathe more slowly and relax a little.  Maybe tea has the same effect…

It is so hard – emotionally, financially and physically – to be a caregiver for
anyone who has an illness, regardless of the reason. We sacrifice so much. The
whole family is inconvenienced, the financial strain is great and effects
everyone. We take them to appointments, rearrange our lives and make their care
the center of our decisions. A simple thing like a family outing requires
considering the ill person’s needs as the first thought.  With Amy, we had to think about whether she would be overwhelmed by the event and freak out.  Or, would she be cranky and uncooperative and ruin the whole experience for us?

The second was usually “do we have any extra money” because so much of their care is out of pocket
and not covered by insurance. Amy’s therapist, at $95 a visit, wasn’t covered.  When you consider that she was going to those visits weekly, that adds up to $400 a month.  No wonder I drive a 15 year old car!
But, I think it’s even harder to be a caregiver for someone with mental illness because they are able-bodied.   When they physically can accomplish things, it’s hard to remember that the
illness is what makes them unwilling or unable to do things. They’re not being
lazy, the illness is making them unmotivated. Think about what a
monumental task it is for a depressed person  just to get out of bed in the
morning and continue for one more day in the hope that things will get better.

As the caregiver – it sucks!!! We have to put ourselves and our lives, hopes,
and dreams on hold but we do it because we love them. It’s a very long, slow
recovery process from mental illness and we all wish we had a magic wand that we
could wave to make it all go away. Amy has been stable for a year now and I
still have regrets about the opportunities I missed because she was sick.
However, she is alive, the suicide attempts were not successful and that makes
it all worthwhile.

Try to get some relief for yourself and get out and do something you enjoy. We
all have to find a way to get a break from them just so we can stay strong and
stay the course. We can’t help them if we’re not healthy. With my daughter, I
would do gardening. We were afraid to leave her with a family member so we
couldn’t leave the house.  We just couldn’t risk her making a suicide attempt when someone else was caring for her.  So,  I got out and worked in the yard. Since she was
depressed, she wasn’t interested in joining me in the project and she left me alone.  I
could enjoy a few blissful hours of quiet and create something beautiful that I
could look at and enjoy later.

Amy learned during her first hospitalization to try doing enjoyable activities as a distraction when she started feeling overwhelmed.  These activities were called “copers” – something to help her cope with her anxiety.  She made a lengthy list which she would bring out and review as needed.  She would then choose one to do.  If that one didn’t work, she’d bring out the list and choose another until she found one to calm her down.

Some copers were typical – reading, singing to music, drawing, etc.  Some were just plain weird, like letting rice run through her fingers.  Yes, we honestly had a bag of “coper rice” which she would play with.  The tactile sensation was soothing to her.  The coper list went with her to school in her pencil bag, too, ready for when she needed it.  Of course, the coper rice had to stay home but there were plenty of other things on the list that she could do at school.

My point here is that if it works (and is legal, ethical, not destructive  and moral) then let them do it.  Whatever it takes.  Yes, it involves some getting used to but let them do it.  They need to find how to control their emotions on their own.

It kind of reminds me of Amy’s imaginary friends when she was three.  She had half a dozen of them.  We followed the drill; indulge them and eventually she’ll give them up.  So, when her imaginary friend Dorothy was staying for dinner, we set a place for her.

We did have to draw the line a few times, though.  I remember her older sister coming to me complaining that she couldn’t watch TV because all of Amy’s imaginary friends were sitting in the chairs.  We  told Amy that her friends had to go home at that point.  She smiled at me  and I started to suspect that the friends were becoming a matter of convenience.  Or in her sister’s case, inconvenience!

Who knew our kids could have their own month?  Anyway, here are some helpful links for support:

• National Federation of Families for Children’s Mental Health at http://www.ffcmh.org
• National Alliance on Mental lllness at www.nami.org
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMSHA), US Department of Health and Human Services, at  http://www.samhsa.gov/children/index.aspx

Not long ago, a team of researchers watched a 1-year-old boy take justice into his own hands. The boy had just seen a puppet show in which one puppet played with a ball while interacting with two other puppets. The center puppet would slide the ball to the puppet on the right, who would pass it back. And the center puppet would slide the ball to the puppet on the left . . . who would run away with it. Then the two puppets on the ends were brought down from the stage and set before the toddler. Each was placed next to a pile of treats. At this point, the toddler was asked to take a treat away from one puppet. Like most children in this situation, the boy took it from the pile of the “naughty” one. But this punishment wasn’t enough — he then leaned over and smacked the puppet in the head.

This is the beginning of a fascinating article from the NYT http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/09/magazine/09babies-t.html

I have a bachelor’s degree in psych.  I’m fascinated by the whole nature/nurture debate in human behavior.  If the findings of these studies are correct, at what point and under what circumstances do people go from being cooperative and co-dependent beings?  What causes children to reject this and start to adopt bullying behaviors?

How many times has this gone through your head?  We’re all running through this mess, trying to keep our kids safe and bring them back to reality but we’re sailing in unchartered waters.  There is no map or any similar personal experience to guide us.  We’re on our own and just doing the best we can.

Surprisingly, Showtime has captured the essence of living with a person with mental illness in their relatively new series United States of Tara.  The title character has mulitple personalities but this is no ordinary Sybil-like program.  Instead, they also focus on the spouse, children and others who are affected by the character’s illness.

Hank and I found this program while Amy was away and it really opened up conversation about things that we just couldn’t deal with at the time.  For example, at one point the teenaged daughter declares that the family is f***ed.  Hank and I just started laughing knowingly for we understood all too well.

You know that having the hospital psych ward and your pharmacy’s phone numbers in the contacts directory of your cell phone is completed f***ed!  You know that having your child yell “Why won’t you let me kill myself?” is completely f***ed but what else can you do?

There were so many times we had to deal with things so far outside the scope of normal but never had the luxury to really evaluate our feelings about them.  Amy had enough emotion going on, we didn’t need to add ours to the mix so ours got put aside, on hold, until the day when we could start to let them out.

I highly recommend this program for parents of mentally ill children but only after your child is relatively stable.  I think it would have been too painful for us to watch two years ago when she was still so fragile and we were still so scared.  Let’s face it, the consequences of failing our child are dire and the pressure almost unbearable.