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Today’s post is a re-post of a message from Diane Chosinski.  She left it on the yahoo group, BiPolarParentsT.  This group is a place for parents of bipolar teens to share their stories, ask for advice and just seek a little support. If you haven’t explored the online groups available, I encourage you to do so.  They can be so helpful in finding that you are not alone in this struggle.

The message really hit home for me.  We have all been there.  I want to thank Diane for so eloquently describing our darker moments.

Today Shelly turned 16, when she was a baby no one told me told me about the roller coaster life that we call bi polar.

No one told me that I would be up for days at a time worrying about Shelly if she was ok making sure that she wasn’t going to hurt someone or herself.

No one told me that instead of planning a sweet 16 birthday party I would be having a supervised visit with her in Denny’s.

No one told me that instead of cake and ice cream i would be serving her lamatical and Risperidone with a side of melatonin.

No one told me that instead of going out and getting her driver license that instead we have to go to a bench trail for her behaviors this past yr.(breaking my nose, breaking her sisters foot, breaking all the kitchen chairs, and on and on)

No one told me that instead of having all her family and friends over that we would have to make sure that no more than 2 people were with her at a time and they were court approved.

No one told me that the beautiful baby that they handed me was going to have to live in a daily hell. No one told me that I wouldn’t be able to fix whatever was bothering her.

She should be getting ready to go out on her first date tonight instead she will be in lock down at 9. I used to joke and laugh with her about if i was rich she would go off to a rich boarding school in Europe never meant a RTC some were here in IL.

Never thought I would be one of THOSE parents were DCFS knows you on a first name basis.

I am angry today.  I am angry at this illness for stealing my daughter’s life away from as I had hoped and dreamed for her. I am angry at the mental health system for not doing more research on the meds and finding out what we can do to help these kids. I am angry that the only most parents only get the help after their child has done something so bad that the police and courts have had to be called. I want to through a feet stomping hands waving temper tantrum if i thought that it would help my Shelly I would do it in a heartbeat.

Sorry to rant but its been a hard year Shelly hasn’t been at home since Jan 6th when she was arrested for breaking her sisters foot. Her DCFS worker thinks she has found a RTC for her,. Her pdoc has told me to be prepared that Shelly will be there for about a yr.

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3 Responses to A Parent’s Lament – No One Told Me

  1. Lydia Kolman on August 30, 2010 at 7:28 am

    I’m glad she is in a safe place and I totally feel your pain. There are so many times when I’ve felt the same about Amy but please don’t give up. Just keep reminding yourself that she is on the road to recovery.

  2. diane choinski on August 29, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    please forgive me for all the typos and grammar errors as i wrote this when i was crying after seeing shelly. a update on shelly is she now in a rtc about a hr from my house and seems to be doing well. they have noticed some of the same behaviors there that she was having here at home but they are able to get her undercontrol quicker then i was ever able to. as for the person that said i should get her the proper diagnoses we have been to over 5 different doctors and have been hospitalized 4 times in a 3 yr time period. i had hoped and prayed that this illness had skipped my children as i have a younger sister that has it along with a paternal father. i saw the signs and symptoms in shelly early as it was like watching a home movie of my sister when she was this age. again thank you for the commints and i hope that everyone has a safe and happy life.

  3. Kari Fulena on August 22, 2010 at 8:55 am

    Go see a doctor to propery diagnose your signs of bipolar disorder.

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