Finding the Right Therapist

Not all therapists are the same and each has a different approach to things.  One of the many mistakes we made for Amy during the first year was finding the wrong therapist.  In fact, Amy has shared with me recently that she always felt more guilty and worthless after her therapy sessions with her.

Amy’s suicide attempt came as a result of bullying.  She was really low in self esteem and felt victimized.  She needed a therapist who could be her ally and help her sort everything out.  Of course, this was easy to see one year into therapy but at the time we found her first therapist, we were just desperate for help.

I remember thinking that when we sent Amy to her first therapy appointment.  I felt like I was taking a kid with a broken arm to the doctor and saying “just fix it”.  We had chosen this therapist because she was referred to us by our family physician.  We didn’t do any pre-qualifying or asking any questions about her style.

Amy’s first therapist would have been great for a kid who had parents with weak parenting skills, for her approach was to become a “super-parent”.  She treated Amy’s symptoms of depression rather than getting to the root cause.  She gave Amy a laundry list of things to do – pick up her bedroom, turn in her homework, do her chores, etc.  Then, each week, she would grill Amy on her results and discuss any shortcomings.  Again, this would have been fine for a kid without discipline in the house but not what Amy needed.

My first clue that it wasn’t working out was after a year with this therapist.  We were disciplining Amy for something and she actually said,  in a begging tone of voice, “don’t tell Sally” (her therapist).

By that time we were much more savvy about what she needed and how to direct her care.  We started shopping for therapists, no small task!  We asked her psychiatrist and all of the caregivers in the hospital ward where she was being treated for recommendations.  Another place you can find them is on the website for your state department of mental health.

Working with a little more confidence and a lot less desperation, we started talking with potential therapists.  I had a list of questions which I asked them over the phone to try to do some pre-screening.  I asked them about their style and philosophy for treatment.  The questions were very open ended so I would get honest answers.

Some of the questions were:

1.  How do you establish your relationship with your clients?

2.  What are your thoughts on handling children with depression?

3.  Can you tell me about a client of yours who you successfully helped through their depression?

4.  What are your goals for treating children with depression?

5.  Where were you trained?

I recognize that each child is different and has different needs in a therapist.   However, you, as a parent, know what is best for your child.  You know how that child learns and grows, you’ve been helping them all of their life!  My focus was getting Amy to be happy and able to handle life by the time she becomes an adult.   I wanted someone to guide her along that path.

We found a new therapist, Jean, and the improvement was nearly immediate.  Jean was much more nurturing.  She made Amy feel safe and started to draw out Amy’s fears and worries and help her find ways to address them.  Amy has been with Jean for nearly two years now and it’s made all of the difference.

There is a downside to Jean, though.  Our insurance didn’t cover her appointments.  It’s been very much worth it though.  My advice to every parent is to remember that failure is not an option here.  You have to find the right fit for your child with every choice.  This means thinking outside of the box and considering other options, including a therapist who isn’t covered by the insurance.

This entry was posted on December 27, 2009 at December 27, 2009 and is filed under Therapist. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.