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After Amy’s first prolonged stay at the hospital, she was released to return to school part time. I had no idea how to make this happen but I found that the school is required by law to provide reasonable accommodation.
I found with my daughter that the school system was ill equipped initially to do this for her. It honestly appeared to us that they had never dealt with this type of situation. They all said to us “but she’s so bright and taking honor classes, she doesn’t need any accomodation”. They seemed to believe that accomodation was only necessary for children with learning problems. Although it’s hard to believe, I think we were the first parents of a child with emotional problems seeking accommodation.
You will need to be persistent in your attempts to get help from the schools. Talk with staff members at the school until you find someone who “gets it”. Try to find an ally at the school – we talked with teachers and guidance counselors but I was prepared to take it to the administrative level (principal, superintendent) if necessary.
I found that a firm but friendly approach with them worked best. I started each conversation with the assumption that they were an ally. You never know how much influence the person you’re talking with has so it’s best not to alienate them in your early discussions.
I would start my conversations with “Amy is having a problem making it to class early in the morning and her doctor doesn’t feel that she should be in classes full time. Can you tell me what we can do to try to help accomodate her with this?” Key words to drop here were “doctor”, “accomodate”, and “help”.
We finally found a teacher who had studied psychology. He helped convince the other staff members that Amy’s needs were just as real as those with learning difficulties. He championed Amy’s cause so well that when we had the meeting, everyone was very helpful.
The end result of that meeting was that Amy went to school in the mornings from 9:30-12:30 and took a class online in the afternoon. She only needed this for one semester but it really made a difference in her recovery.
Over the years, the school has been willing to provide additional accommodations for her. Things that, back in my day, never seemed acceptable. Since Amy had no behavior problems, they were willing to let her leave class any time she felt overwhelmed. This did not even require getting permission to leave class! They would allow her to simply get up and leave to go to her resource teacher for a pep talk and a little break. I’m proud to say that she has now come to a point where all she needs is to leave class to go into the hall for a few minutes to calm down. She’s such a marvel!
Moral of the story is just ask for help and keep asking until you find the answers. The schools can be very creative in providing help once you get them on your side.
Often times, the local mental health association or state department of education has resources to help you in this, as well. Try contacting them with your problems to see what guidance they can provide.
March 11, 2010 at 7:13 am
Excellent article, I will take note. Many thanks for the story!
April 14, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Lydia, did you have to have your daughter put under the special ed label to get the reduced day? Our daughter is under 504 but we were told we couldn’t get a reduced day unless we had her put in spec. ed., which I was not ready to do. (It seemed like overkill just to get her through a bad patch). Our campus administrators insisted she remain in a class with credit (we were trying to get her a free period for first to reduce her stress). Now she is failing that class because she has missed it so much. Its very frustrating.
Thanks for your blog … it’s very helpful!
April 14, 2010 at 2:38 pm
She is labelled as disabled, which in my State is the only way to get a 504. She was assigned a resource teacher to help her too. She is extremely bright, so learning was not a problem and she didn’t need remedial courses. Her resource teacher is really there to help her when she gets overwhelmed.
As for what you’ve described, I would be inclined to challenge the administrator on that. That credit thing seems unreasonable to me. In my mind, half a loaf is better than none. At least she would be able to attend some school!
Try contacting your state mental health association and/or the school district administrators for their take on it. You may just have to be persistent with the school to get her what she needs.
Good luck and let me know how it goes!
May 11, 2010 at 4:39 pm
Lydia, things have kind of gone from bad to worse on this. She’s now flunking MORE things, and has missed so much school (sleeping/avoiding). Her dr. just changed her meds, at her request. The old SSRI has pooped out, it seems (she’s been on it for 3 years). Problem with the classes she actually IS passing: she has so many absences that unless she makes up all the clock hours in Saturday school, she loses credit for those also. Seems like there is something that could be done about this (like taking an incomplete and finishing up in summer maybe?), given that depression is an ILLNESS. Granted, hers is dysthymia rather than major depression, so its less “emergent”, but still. Sigh. Thanks for giving us parents a place to vent!
May 11, 2010 at 6:49 pm
Tina, as parents we have to keep focus on what’s most important at the time. If that means that our kids graduate a little later than most, at least we kept them alive to wear the cap and gown! This is a marathon and not a sprint; sometimes the set backs are a fair trade off for the bigger prize. Good luck, she’ll come out of this just fine, I’m sure. You’re a caring parent who will be there for her and that’s what will help her through it.
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